I’m a firm believer in the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person’s deeds in the previous incarnation. However, in my opinion, nothing is better, and not to mention funnier than instant karma.

I work at a university that has over five thousand students on campus on a daily basis. Now, take into consideration that each of these students has one car and drives it to class each day. Not only is that five thousand people who do not understand the concept of carpooling, but that’s approximately four thousand students who won’t be able to find a parking spot anywhere. As you may imagine, this creates a bit of a problem.

In the office where I work, we have a small employee parking lot, however, the students think they are quite clever and if they are running late for class and all of the parking spots are full they will sneak into our lot, park, and sprint off to class in hopes of not being seen and subsequently hunted down like wounded animals. Knowing how this creates a giant hassle for employees, we are asked to report violators to security so that their vehicles can be ticketed, towed, or saran-wrapped (if we take matters into our own hands). I understand how it may seem a bit callous to do this to people who are thousands upon thousands of dollars deep in student loans, but hey, no one said college would be easy.

Employees have small university tags, which hang from the rear-view mirror of their cars to indicate that they work for the school. Students are assigned giant neon stickers roughly the size of Kansas that are used to mark their vehicles. It’s quite easy to spot a car or truck that doesn’t belong. It’s a lot like trying to hide an obese person somewhere in an Ethiopian village. One day as I was returning to work from lunch I was unable to find parking in our lot. I circled around several times and saw car after car emblazoned with the neon orange student sticker taking up residence in our precious spaces. Eventually I gave up hope and was forced to find an empty spot on the outer limits of campus. I then started the long walk to my office under a hot Florida sun.

As I got closer to civilization I noticed that classes were over and hordes of students were exiting the nearby classrooms to go home and study. And by “go home and study” I mean, “form a drum circle or play hacky sack.”
I spotted two male students who strolled right from their class into our lot while walking and talking, looking as though they didn’t have a care in the world and completely oblivious to the fact that I had essentially just walked through a desert due to their illegal parking schemes. They were laughing and high-fiving and having a great old time. Not only did they have the audacity to park in our sacred lot, but also had the nerve to stand together and chitchat once they had reached their vehicles. I was definitely in the mood for some revenge.

After wiping the sweat from my eyes I could see that they were parked directly across from one another in the lot, the main driveway running between their cars. If I was quick about it then I could get both of their license plate numbers before they knew what was happening. At that point my plan began to crumble as they spotted the employee tag around my neck from a distance and bolted for their respective driver’s seats. In their haste to get away, they fired up their engines, threw it in reverse and simultaneously backed out of the parking spots, their cars slamming right into one another. Before I had time to react, the two friends were out of their vehicles yelling at each other at the top of their lungs. Security was on scene in a matter of moments and ticketed both drivers. Karma strikes again.

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