Sometimes in life, people just really excel at things. I fully believe that there are some skills out there that people were just born to perfect. Sometimes, these skills don’t benefit society in any way, shape, or form, and are downright useless.

I’ve identified a few bad things that I’m very good at.

For one, I am exceptionally skilled at getting in peoples way. If I find myself walking down a sidewalk, through a hallway, or across a wide-open field and another person is walking directly towards me, it’s as if we suddenly become confined in a tiny, invisible space. As we go to step out of each other’s way I will, and without fail, always step to the same side that they do leaving us awkwardly face to face again. This of course leads to the frustrating process of moving left and right together trying to step around the other person repeatedly muttering things like, “Excuse me” and “Oh, I’m sorry.” Eventually both parties step out of the way to let the other one pass, and then both attempt to take the others offer leading us right back into the beginning nose-to-nose position. It’s a vicious circle that I find myself repeating numerous times a week. I don’t even try to avoid the situation anymore, as I spot the other person walking towards me in the distance, I breathe a heavy sigh and prepare to dance.

Another thing that I am great at being terrible at includes obliviously walking right through the middle of dart games. If there is a dark bar, loud music, and alcohol then I will inadvertently plow through the empty space between the players and the dartboard. One of these times as they line up their precision shot, the stars will align and the dart will end up stuck in my eardrum, and this will likely ruin my day. It doesn’t help that the recommended distance that a player stands away from the target is roughly the length of three football fields. Charging through a game in this manner is usually greeted with shouts of displeasure from drunken frat guys in sleeveless shirts who in the end are really more concerned with the target of their roofie rather than the target on the wall.

Lastly, the bad thing that I find myself to be the best at is when it comes to saying inappropriate things really loudly at the exact moment the room gets quiet. Everyone has experienced this at one point or another. Rest assured that if I’m at a party and feel the need to express my disdain towards one of the guests, the music will halt and everyone in the room will simultaneously transition into a spontaneous silent prayer circle at the precise moment that I loudly inform a friend that “Sarah just might be the biggest waste of space since that guy who sells the ShamWow on TV.”

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